The Cutest Baby Pictures
by AgentOfAngst
Summary: Surely everyone wants to see baby pictures, right? Not a one-shot, read author's note.


**I had this idea that Wasabi shares pictures of his kids almost obsessively, then I thought... Why not have fun with it? It follows the canon of Moving Too Fast, but this chapter is a prequel.**

**I'll probably post other chapters in a similar vein as this one, I already have a couple of ideas, so, this is _technically_ not a one-shot.**

**Totally unrelated, but go read A girl named Karmi by TheSparklyKitten. It's an adorable Megiro brotp one-shot set after Portal Enemy.**

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You had to be super careful with Wesley "Wasabi" Tomago. He was dangerous. You couldn't just say, "Hey man, what's up?" You had to walk on eggshells with the guy. One wrong step and you were trapped.

"Do you want to see pictures of the twins?" And there it is, he's caught his prey. Everyone in a 100-mile radius of Wasabi Tomago has seen pictures of the twins.

"I have the cutest baby pictures of Reese and Luca." Wasabi was infected. A deadly case of baby fever. And, like the walking dead, there was no cure, just hungry desperation to spread the plague.

His partner-in-crime did her best to quarantine him.

"They don't want to see more pictures, Wasabi," Leiko "GoGo" Tomago insisted, preparing to drag Wasabi away from the scene of the crime before the infection could spread.

"Of course they do! You won't believe the adorable onesies my brother Damon got for them."

"No, come on love, we've wasted enough of these people's day."

Worse still was when the cuddly little parasites were with them. Sometimes Wasabi carried both like a titan of old, shouldering the weight of the universe. Other times GoGo held both, protective and proud of her parasites. Still other times Reese and Luca were split between them, spreading their infection further with two hosts instead of one.

Wasabi, beaming an otherworldly smile, would approach with his spawn, and then you'd be caught.

"This is my son Luca!" He presented the child and you were caught. And heaven forbid that he spins around and says, "And this is my daughter Reese!" If he was dual-wielding infants you could kiss the next fifteen minutes of your life goodbye, maybe longer. Because then he would need to explain that Reese is older but Luca goes in the front because of motion sickness. And you really didn't care about the motion sickness of an adorable chubby one-year-old. But now you care. Wasabi's psychotic smile makes you care. You are under his control. And you will see pictures.

When the babies weren't holstered, the danger was even more present. Because if the babies weren't carefully locked to their host's person, they could be offered up to contaminate you. Wasabi would ask you if you wanted to hold one of his parasites and then insist that you apply hand sanitizer that will kill 99.99% of germs. And then the .01% would be handed over to you, infecting you with baby fever.

"They like you!" Wasabi would cheer as one of his little microorganisms placed its hand on your face. There's a smile on your face now, this kid is kind of cute. But, as your smile grows, your heart sinks. You're infected. You realize it now. You do want to see pictures of the twins. You push the progeny back on the parents. You need to get as far from here as possible. You need to escape, maybe there's still a cure. Or maybe, suddenly you have to have kids of your own. You wash your hands a thousand times but you can't wash them out of your mind. It plays on repeat in your mind, "Do you want to see pictures? Do you want to see pictures?" You've been contaminated. There is no cure.

The only way to potentially stop the virus from spreading was to smash his phone so that he couldn't take more adorable pictures of Reese and Luca learning to walk and antagonizing each other and eating their favorite foods and wearing the cutest little outfits that said stuff like, "Buy one, Get one free."

His partner in crime was not unaffected by his disease. His giddy camera sprees often caught the mother, the protective and ruthless top of the food chain, on film. Which posed a problem for her, because the top of the food chain didn't like to be on camera.

"Stop it!" She insisted, snatching his phone away from him.

"Aw, but-"

"No buts. You'll get this back if you promise to stop taking so many pictures of me. You can photograph our children until they're models but I don't want random pictures of me floating around the internet." GoGo swiped through his phone and deleted the pictures of herself from today that didn't also prominently feature their adorable children. Wasabi sighed.

"Sorry, GoGo. I'll do my best to keep you out of pictures. I got some cute ones of the twins today though, didn't I?"

"You always do. But you know you're not required to shove baby pictures on every single person you pass?"

"I just want to make their days a little brighter," Wasabi said with that unnatural smile of his.

"Right… Well, some people's days," GoGo began to explain as she picked up her daughter from the highchair, "are made brighter by people not interrupting them to show them baby pictures."

"But our babies are so cute."

"Yeah, obviously. They're the cutest. But some people… She paused, wondering how to phrase this, "some people don't care that our kids are adorable."

"Okay, maybe, but why?"

"Because they value their own time more than pictures of our kids. Or they might have their own kids and mistakenly think that those kids are cuter."

"I'm going to ask people if they want to see pictures anyway," Wasabi said with a shrug, hoisting Luca up from the ground and holding him close, whispering to the boy, "I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to see you, you cutie pie."

"Just don't go overboard, Wes. I think some people feel a little trapped when you approach them with pictures."

"Got it. No going overboard." Wasabi would continue to go overboard, he had already gone off the deep end. He couldn't help. He had to spread the plague of pictures. The infected always had to spread the contagion. And so, it would spread. You better hope you didn't cross paths with Wasabi Tomago. You better hope that you didn't get trapped.


End file.
